Most builders will tell you that the foundation for any new structure is the most important aspect of the entire project. It carries this much significance because any mistake that is made in the foundation will only get worse as time passes. Ensuring that the foundation is held to the highest standards possible is well worth the time and effort. Consequently, the lack of a solid foundation causes the entire structure to lose its integrity.
The foundation of a building is very similar to the foundation of a relationship. The stronger the foundation the less likely it is that the relationship will fall apart down the road. It may experience some cracks and tears, but the relationship can be built back up if the foundation between the two people is strong.
We, as humans, have an internal desire to connect with other people. Our lives are comprised of relationships, whether it be intimate, with a family member, a friend, or a business relationship. We spend a considerable amount of time each day interacting with others. It is no wonder that the foundational aspects of all our relationships need to be fostered continually.
In 2019, singer-songwriter Maren Morris released the billboard hit song, The Bones. Even after hearing the song just once, I knew the lyrics spoke to me on a very deep level. Morris’s beautiful voice describes how a relationship that experiences severe storms will survive if the bones, the basic building blocks, are good.
Last year brought unforeseen hurdles to most of us in one way or another and this song became my unofficial battle cry for 2020. The lyrics and melody inspired me to keep going regardless of the circumstances. It reminded me that experiencing an unfortunate situation was simply a “tough spot”, not a reason to throw in the metaphorical towel.
The second verse mentions how things don’t always go the way we planned for them to go. A sentiment to which we can all relate in some way. How many times have we made a ‘Plan A’ and a ‘Plan B’ only to have life throw us a curve ball and we are left standing in the rain without a ‘Plan C’? Truthfully, it doesn’t matter how many plans we create. If we focus on the positive aspects of the relationship instead of the negative situation then the relationship endures.
It takes an extremely strong person to take a step back and remember what is good when something dreadful occurs. I can only assume this is why relationship counselors ask couples to think back to when they met. What did you notice first about the other person? What were some of your fondest memories from your first few months together? If they can help the couple focus on the foundational aspects of the relationship then it is possible for them to rebuild.
“When the bones are good, the rest don’t matter. Yeah the paint could peel, the glass could shatter. Let it rain ’cause you and I remain the same. When there ain’t a crack in the foundation. Baby, I know any storm we’re facing, will blow right over while we stay put, the house don’t fall when the bones are good.”